we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
