maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize