I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
