Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
