We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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