Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize