So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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