I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
