This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize