I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
