i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
