I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
