Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
