Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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