dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
