The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
