I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
