well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
