you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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