I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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