Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
