I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
