You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
