Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
