she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The uberlube is also flammable
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
