we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I didn't notice because vodka
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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