this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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