Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
