I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
