nut hugger
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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