It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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