it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
