everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
