Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
