Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
