Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize