you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
