Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I want a musical about memes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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