There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
