Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
