i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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