I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
send nudes
from the living room?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
