we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
