I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
