There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
