# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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