So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize