omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize