I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
