I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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