I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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