my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
