So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
