Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
