I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
