I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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