Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
