3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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