....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She even gives head with a lisp.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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