I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
